Brevity is the soul of wit

"Brevity is the soul of wit." Well, I don't think I have ever been "witty" or very funny for that matter and this probably also rounds out why most close relations wouldn't classify me as ever having been "brief"... but in the interest of your valuable time, I will scoot on to the point. I like quotes just like this one. Always have liked them. This is probably due to the fact that most of them have been passed to me by my grandfather who I ADORE. This man had me read Dale Carnegie during my tween years. Those were some very handy dandy quotes for a person just getting started in the business of life. My "papa" passes on to me his funny quotes too. "Life is so uncertain that it's often best to eat dessert first." I love that, don't you? One of my former employers passed on a gem to me right after my PC crashed and I lost my entire Instructional Design Project. I capitalize it to defy grammar and illustrate to you how HUGE the project was. His "witty" quip was that "things are always faster the second time you do them." Now, as a stay at home mother of four darlin's, this little quote has come in quite handy as I try to get through my personal rendition of the Groundhog Day movie. He also used to say that "common sense wasn't common" and this he credited to Rousseau.  Now, only one trip to Wal-mart will confirm that one for you folks, but I often find it true in places you wouldn't expect as well. I have to be reminded of this one often; "no good deed goes unpunished." Have I told you yet that I love to help? It's a little disease I have and it usually lands me in a pile of you know what. I am usually following this one in my pursuit of helping; "bloom where you are planted". Here's one from my father-in-law that I love; "do it like you meant it." This man is a father of seven children all grown now. There is a genius in this man's quotes. He also interspersed his quotes with this creative "cave man" language that I suppose helped him to retain their attention long enough to absorb the quotes when they were young. They all still remember this lingo today. I would tell you all about it but I can't pronounce any of these "words" and I don't have the "code" for what each one means. Secondly, and I can't explain this, somehow they are sacred and seem not to be appropriately revealed to us non-cave dwellers.  I can't wait for Mr. Darcy to start the cave man language with our darlin's. Here's one that I learned in doing our homeschool research for the darlin's; "There is a fountain not made by the hands of men." This is from David Albert who writes about how children grow, learn, and flourish from the curiosity and drive welled up in each of them. I love this and I think of it often when my darlin's come to me with each new discovery. I think quotes are sort of like poems. They are knowledge pools that swirl around a fountain of realization. When your eyes are opened and you see something clearly, you want to share it-perhaps you cannot help yourself-and so the quote is born. It becomes trite over time as it is spoken repeatedly, but I try to remember the first time it was said and how true it was-the way you hear something that resonates with you for the first time. My grandfather told me a long time ago that "the accomplishment and success of one was the reflection of many." I think quotes are part of that knowledge heritage. As we set out to uncover the best person that we can be, how many small things touch us in crafting the single accomplishment we become? This leads me to Old Abe; "Whatever you are, be a good one."
Need a quote? http://www.allgreatquotes.com/life_quotes.shtml

I broke out

 This past weekend was Mr. Darcy's 20 year high school reunion. I broke outta the darlin' funhouse to attend. It was a guilty pleasure. It's like this every time I break out. I have trouble sitting in a QUIET car with Mr. Darcy-ALONE. And not because he's delightfully witty and always smells like something fantastic. I simply cannot get used to the action being only in the front seat. Hey wait, don't get any ideas there. I was referring to the lack of chaos in the two rows behind me. I was able to turn on the radio as opposed to the squeaky kid CD that lives in our head five hours after we've gotten outta the car. I was able to put my lipstick on in the mirror. Yes, without having to stop, throw my lipstick down, crawl over the seat to calm the screaming baby or separate the darlin's from the non-stop you can't touch me game. It was like a graveyard back there-just the sound of quiet. I think the reason mamas don't like the quiet is due to the fact that the quiet usually means someone is doing something they shouldn't be doing. Like painting your nail polish on the new blouse you just bought. So if I head out for a date with Mr. Darcy and I have the luxury of quiet I am split right down the middle like a crazy chick. I hear this is called cognitive dissonance-two competing ideas. So I guess that is kind of like sanity and love of raising children-otherwise known as my normal state of existence. Frickity Frack, so as soon as we got to the party, and the much needed noise, we felt like two bona fide jailbirds. I was glad to find that we were in pretty good company. Everyone there had a handful of children-give or take-and most knew the chaos that is your life at the 20-year reunion mark. Will we all be twittling our thumbs at the empty nest reunion? Who knows. I did enjoy all this conversation, but really I am so dreadfully out of practice. Wouldn't you think a mama spending all day long with four smarty pants chatterbox darlin's would be on her game with the chatter at a social event? Yeah, you'd be wrong. Too many intelligent conversations going on in my house ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Heaven help me. Sometimes I think I am completely pyscho to be able to actually hear all four of them and rotate to each eventually with an answer. How in the world do I do that? Of course, later in my sleep I twitch. Maybe that has something to do with it. Everything in the mama hood eventually boils down to good ole yin-yang, right? ;-) So anyway it was very nice to talk to other non-juice-needing people. It was nice to dance with someone I don't have to lead-well, most of the time. It was nice to RELAX at a table with friends and eat my meal without having my sweet darlin's practice their vulture routine on my plate. But the night had to end and the dance music always plays out to that last cheesy song and it was time to get back to the Groundhog Day life we have chosen. Of course by the early a.m., I was really ready to get back to the juiced-up darlin's anyway cause I am totally crazy, twitching addicted to them and their sweet noise.

The darlin's go batty

My little ones have lots of toys, but what really gets their engine runnin' is good old fashioned cardboard, glue, tape, and rubberband kinds of concoctions. Mr. Darcy calls this "arts and crap". This week it was bats drawn on cardboard with black magic marker. I watched with mild amusement while all the other thousands of dollars in toys went completely ignored so they could focus on the paper bat family. The bats live in the window, fly around and have campfire adventures in the closets. They hunt for food in my pantry and sleep upside down on the furniture with the lights off of course. I have been instructed that these are not the blood sucking bats, but instead nice, friendly, fruit bats. Bat books from the closet have been retrieved and re-read to the cardboard bats mind you. Stellaluna is a lovely book in case your darlin's like bats too. I remember when my first darlin' was a baby and we used washed-out detergent bottles, juice jugs, and throw-away plastics to entertain for hours before we got all the toys... The kitchen floor was often littered with these "treasures" and I loved watching my first darlin' make his own play from nothing. He knew the sound of the one tile in our kitchen that was hollow underneath from tapping things on top. Toys are overrated these days if you ask me. I know it sounds old fashioned but toys on the shelf now have one way of play, one result over and over again, and it doesn't take kids long to master and toss it aside. We use blocks, train sets, kitchen play, books and the like but even these multiple outcome toys eventually get boring. What really goes the distance is junk and dirt. Things that they can turn into something. I've seen the darlin's create robots, rockets, and cardboard houses from utter scraps of trash. I am always amazed at the raw imagination of a child. They call the door hinges "butterflies" and they make boats of leaves and grass. Sticks in the yard become magic wands and swords for "fencing". One of my children can turn two sticks into four different things in under a minute. Don't get me started on what they do with rocks and where they stick them to sneak them into the house for these covert creative projects. When I can nurture this third eye of creativity I certainly do, but isn't it hard with all the competing blinking lights and too-loud sounds of today's obnoxious toys? We have lots of these "lovely" things in our house too, just like many of you, but late at night the battery fairy visits these toys and completes a batterectomy. Of course, the next morning mama is magically out of batteries and can't seem to find any more at the store to replace them. Oh well. I guess the darlin's will just have to get outside and grab some rocks and sticks. I just hope they don't aim them at the window! 
Free paper toy templates online: http://www.thetoymaker.com/2Toys.html  Enjoy!

Perspectives on a darlin'

Explaining things to an inquisitive six-year-old can really bring you back to your principles if you know what I mean. The other day my sweet darlin' had a moral question about how to treat his brother. You know one of those "can I hit him back mama?" questions, followed closely by one of those "you said I should stand up for myself" statements. What's a girl to do with the conundrums of mama hood without losing principles in the process? I am by no means an expert in the field of fairness. Life is full of inconsistencies best I can tell. I do admit I have tried to make a study of it but as near as I have figured out there is no such thing as true fairness. I studied concepts in logic and fairness theory while at Bama, a mo-million years ago, and remember just this truth from the whole class. Fairness is determined from each individual perspective involved in the scenario. You can divide things every which a way but it comes down to perspective, really, and that is ALWAYS subjective. I suspect this aligns in all aspects of life as well. I tend to be skeptical of the purported "objectivity" of media and authors for this reason and find I gravitate toward those with an admitted subjectivity so we're all on the level. What's wrong with having an opinion anyway? We've all got one right?  As common as a nose as the saying goes? So my "opinion" for the darlin's moral conundrum? Figure it out for yourself dear, sans blood if possible, and get some principles and subjectivity for yourself.

Unwind the clock

What goes up must come down. What goes in must come out. These phrases lacked their gravity before I became a parent. Now I know that I should have bought stock in Pampers wipes and invested in four of those little vacuums that automatically run around your house picking up gunk instead of all those baby extras. Sigh. There is nothing like a reality check to get you in a position of humility, and children do just this service for us adults when we are most comfortable in our otherwise unrestricted schedules. You know-manicures, pedicures, outings with the girls WHENEVER we wanna head out the door, or a lazy day of reading or walking in the park to clear your head. Now I have to plan a month ahead to get to the local salad bar. It's challenging, but I will be first to admit that the parenting "brakes" are more gift than not. I never took time out before to slow down since I was always chasing the next project or career move. It's easy to get sucked into this project and that volunteer opportunity but once it's not about you anymore, you quickly learn a "no" to others is often a "yes" to your family. It is no longer possible to keep up such a pace and living in the present moment is about all we can manage. I remember before we had children our friends would say they couldn't commit to an event, could only come for a little while, or at the last minute, they couldn't come at all because of little ones. Now I get it-really get it. It has been a refreshing change to s-l-o-w down and really smell the roses even if it means you look like a total flake. And don't you forget to smell the roses while you are dealing with the ins and outs of darlin's. You will need the air freshener regularly - trust me. Most of my friends and relatives know me to be fairly uptight, and by that I mean "wound tighter than a German clock" uptight. I remember one-darlin' days and that sort of slowed me down a little. I became a little more unreliable to family and friends in service of the little one's constant needs. I needed to plan a bit more, but the hysteria of trying to do everything kept on keeping on. Then two darlin's were in the house and things got a bit more hectic and we became neurotic about outings.  Having two boys felt like four tots to us and you can guess how many parents you need to get "four tots" out the door and safely back again. Just as we adjusted to the feel of two very active boys, three darlin's were tugging on my skirts ALL AT THE SAME TIME and I did have to "shelve" the never-ending-to-do-list for a while even if it did make me twitch a little before I fell asleep each night. Now that darlin' #4 is here, well folks, Martha Stewart has left the building. I try to get to the stuff that would otherwise keep me from sleeping at night but the rest of the silliness got lost under a stack of last year's Christmas cards. I believe without a doubt God intended for me to have just such an experience in the mama hood. Only four darlin's could have coaxed me into slowing down and relaxing a little. To tell you the truth I am enjoying the break even if it wasn't directly my idea. God is great to us like that. 

The darlin's help a mama out

I have learned many lessons as a mother of four but one of the most challenging aspects has been finding ways to take care of myself. The darlin’s have jumped on the bandwagon and devised a number of ways to give me love and support throughout the day.

1. SKINCARE:

They keep me from drying out my delicate skin in the shower by sitting campfire style outside the shower door beckoning me to get out while I speed shave and half wash my hair. I am so glad to have the added benefit of learning not to waste time.

2. WARDROBE:

While I am picking out my clothes in the morning, they also take the opportunity to help me make a good and speedy wardrobe decision by grabbing all my shoes to try on and scatter throughout the house. This is their way of saying “mama, get out of that closet before you realize you can't fit into half what you have hanging in there”. Isn’t emotional support the best?

3. RELAXATION:

I turn off the radio in the car so I can relax to the "Backseat Boys" performing the untitled one hit wonder "The Sounds Of Not Sharing". This duet is my most played tune but I may soon have the opportunity to be graced with the quartet version once Darlin’ #4 gets hold of Darlin’ #3’s toys. 

4. MASSAGE & STRETCHES:

The darlin’s like to leave sweet presents around the house to cheer me up as I bustle about. These include sharp toys to step on and piles of clothing rammed into relatively hard-to-reach places as well as the occasional food morsel preserved in a corner. I feel my spirits lift at these random foot massages, stretching exercises, and opportunities for a wholesome dehydrated snack. 

5. ANXIETY RELIEF:

The darlin's especially like to join me when I am hiding out in the “broom closet of an office” we have while trying to take care of all those stacks of things that scream "do me first". The darlin’s have learned that constant streams of whining helps to drown out any of my inner anxieties about getting projects done. What a relief!

6. ARTS & CRAFTS:

The children afford me the opportunity to keep my artistic skills sharp by ramming toys into the walls, running them across furniture and slamming them into doors so I can practice meticulous repair on a variety of surfaces. Isn’t that clever? I so enjoy this particular outlet for my creativity.

7. QUIET TIME:

They like to help me with the solace I seek as well. They know I am busy and in a constant state of motion, and so, every so often they go bananas and have to be put in their rooms to calm down. I know this is their secret plan to help dear frazzled mama get a little spot of peace and quiet before the folks in the white coats come in and put mama in that thing with the straps and take her to the room with the padded walls. I continually congratulate myself on such kind and self-sacrificing children. 

8. DIET:

The darlin's like to "share" all the pretty things off my plate because they love me so much and worry about my self esteem. Isn't it nice of them to help me diet away the second nine months of pregnancy? I think so. 

9. EXERCISE:

In my continual struggle to fit exercise into my routine, my children have invented the “Run From Mama When I Am In Trouble” Game which also includes the bonus weightlifting segment when I get to carry one of the darlin’s to their rooms. This activity has really kept me slim and trim as it is a regular occurrence.

10. ENTERTAINMENT:

The children perform the always thrilling "Mama's Bed Feels Just Like A Trampoline” Show each night to help me wind down. If we get to go to the ER, then it’s an educational bonus field trip for mama as she gets to talk to the nice DHR lady. 

I find myself reaching for this brass ring daily but let's just say I am not going to compete in the mama hood olympics for peace and quiet anytime soon. If you have a strategy that you can hang your hat on, PLEASE post a comment and share it. This is one mama that needs all the help she can get.

The long kiss goodnight

the first darlin' calming down for bed back in 2004...

Last night we turned out the lights and read books with a flashlight. I am amused at how this gets little wiggly ones to sit still and listen to a book. Darlin' #1 can sound out and read words. He calls it breaking it down. Darlin' #2 can sight read and likes to count out the syllables for you-especially in the big words. Darlin' #3 likes to point out the details on the page that no one else seems to be fully appreciating. Darlin' #4 likes to turn the page and drool. This joint reading is a rarity most of the time. Our darlin's are spoiled rotten and used to getting a stack of books and some private time with a parent until they are all read, favorite lullabyes have been sung (a mama exclusive), nite prayers have been said and a 10-point tuck in checklist has been gone through. Did I forget the part, where they are all rounded up out of bed for one last trip to the potty? And the hour or so later when I go back in there to make sure they are all actually sleeping? Yes, I like to refer to this little routine as "the long kiss goodnight". Naturally all this back and forth, in and out, drives me a bit nuts, but part of it is actually a joy to me. I love to read to my children. I love the security it brings to say a goodnight prayer with each child. I can see the peace that comes over them with feeling that they are a child of God and nothing in the night can harm them. We talk about their special Guardian Angel. We talk about what they will dream about once they close their eyes. I hear everything from the "mushroom house", to tea parties with lollipops, and pterosaur island (that's a flying dinosaur). I usually slip in at least one big question "what was your best part of the day?" and this is really what I have waited for all day long. They are too young to journal what they are grateful for, so we have started it in this way. I have always read that even in the most reserved child the truth slips out at bedtime. It's true. I have also heard the addage never believe that a child doesn't want to talk. That's true too. It's just about the timing. At night, the truth comes out and so do all the celebrations and anxieties of the day. It's a bit difficult for a mother of four to put her hands on each child during a bustling day filled with nursing, dishes, laundry, cooking, and the like but this long kiss goodnight is at least an assurance that I will get to hold each child alone. Alone. While we enjoy being together as a family and the synergy that it brings, this time I can spend with each of them alone is precious. It feels like a camera taking a snapshot that I get to keep long after they don't want to be tucked in anymore. I feel honored to be the one on this side of the lens.